A Rant: Fuck You, FDA... in the Butt!

Ah, The View. ABC's daytime talk-show, bastion of social mores and dispenser of incontrovertible science keeping America's daytime television audience well informed and properly socialized for their upcoming cocktail party or PTA meeting. Whatever would we do without a steady diet of their pseudo-reporting and plates of steaming, but well accessorized, bullshit?

I have a funny story to tell so grab your favorite beverage and sit back.

I donate blood on a regular basis. Every time I go through the same rigmarole about any trips I may have taken outside the country, substances consumed, sexual partners, etc. I understand the red tape. Really, I do. If ever there were a place I'd want bureaucratic checks and rechecks to win out over efficiency, it'd be the place where they collect and process blood for people that need it.

Once, several months ago, I asked my blood-sucker du jour if it was true that they didn't accept blood from gay men.

"Yes, that's correct."

"Why not?" I asked.

Hold onto your hat n' glasses people. The answer she gave me went a little something like this:

"Because of HIV and AIDS. See, gay men have anal sex, which is one of the fastest ways to spread AIDS. Also, gay men tend to have more sexual partners than other groups of people, so naturally they'd be more likely to contaminate our blood supply."

There were so many things wrong with her answer, I didn't quite know where to start. But I dove in with...

"But don't you test all the blood donated for HIV and AIDS, anyway?"

"Yes," she said, "among other things."

"So, if you test it either way, why not let gay men donate? I know a lot of gay men in committed relationships that don't align with the demographic you just described."

Here she just stared at me over the edge of her clipboard, impatiently tapping a pink glitter pen with a gigantic fake flower attached to the top.

I decided to push on. "Can't they just come in and tell you they aren't gay?"

"You mean lie? I suppose they could, yes." She then checked my blood bag to see how much longer she'd have to endure this line of questioning.

"What about heterosexuals that have anal sex?"

I thought she might fall off her chair at that question.

"Well, that's different. They'd be sleeping with men," she said.

"Exactly." I waited.

"And therefore, not gay," she said.

"That's not necessarily true. And besides, I think part of your assumption requires that they be women."

"Well, yes..."

"So, it's okay for a hetero woman to take it up the butt from whomever she chooses, gay... straight... whatever, and she can still donate blood. But gay men can't just because they're gay?"

"Um..."

"Like, I could have gay spluge up my pooper right now, and you're still fine with taking my blood because I have a vagina and don't identify as a gay male?"

Ladies, gentlemen and all those in-between, the look on this poor woman's face was priceless. It was a combination of confusion, sheer terror and mild nausea. "I...," and then she started whispering, "would you like to talk with my supervisor?" She gestured to a man sitting at a nearby desk.

I propped myself up on one elbow to get a look at him. I nodded for her to lean closer and whispered back at her, "Why, is he gay?" I then winked at her and gave her my best coy smile.

I don't remember much of the exchange after that other than the sight of her hands shaking as she pulled the needle from my arm. I naively thought, at the time, that this was an isolated guideline so imagine my shock when I heard D. L. Hughley and Sherri Shepherd had been talking about that very thing on The View. What I was not shocked to hear, however, was that they had spread misinformation in the process. Here's the clip from the show:

In case you didn't catch it, the erroneous information was the claim that African American gay and bisexual men are primarily responsible for the increased HIV rates among African American women. This is a myth that was dispelled by the Centers for Disease Control. Gone unchecked, I believe it is these sorts of statements that fuel racism and homophobia.

Now, while I'm not one to hold television shows to the same standards as say... oh... I don't... The fucking FDA :::ehem::: I do think that The View has committed an egregious error. One that could easily be rectified with an "Oops, our bad," statement accompanied by the correct information. And I'm not alone, GLAAD agrees, citing information from the CDC on the matter. Please take a moment to review and participate in GLAAD's Call to Action, aimed directly at ABC's The View.

I also think the FDA deserves a serious pee-pee 'panking for perpetuating antiquated rumors about gay men fueled by fear and hate. The '80s are long gone, as is the administration that refused to fund AIDS research because it was a "gay disease." Shame on the FDA for creating blood-donation guidelines while back-stroking in a pool of jelly beans atop Ronnie Reagan's desk.

Shame. Shame. Shame.