Burger King's "Proud Whopper" - Pride in San Francisco

I'm absolutely tickled by this campaign. As a vegan, I never - and I mean never - thought I'd applaud any fast food place like Burger King for anything, but that's exactly what I'm doing right now. This is simply amazing in the most joyful kind of way.



If you're like me, you're currently swatting away a couple onion-chopping ninjas that mysteriously attacked you while you were about 90 seconds into that video. *sniff* You can't write some of the comedy gold in this thing! I absolutely love that they've included the haters in this video exclusively for us to point at and mercilessly mock. I mean seriously... "Do gay people even eat fast food?" HA! And the whole 'meat or no meat - we go both ways ... I prefer meat - meat is my preference' thing. Gold. GOLD, I SAY!!!

I'd like to add a hearty congratulations to Burger King for landing on the right side of this particular social issue and a big, fat fuck you to Chick-fil-A for remaining on the wrong side of it. I chuckle a bit every time I read about how they are still trying to recover the massive amounts of money they spent trying to ensure they did everything possible to deny same-sex partners their civil right to marriage and the reprehensibly bigoted comments made by CEO Dan Kathy. For those playing along at home, there are now 19 states (and counting) in the USA where same-sex couples can legally marry each-other, so... money well-wasted you fucking douchenozzles! But back to the, "Yay!"...

Burger King also changed the graphics on their Facebook page to reflect their pro-pride campaign, for which the delightful hashtag #BeYourWay was created. Love!

The current cover photo on Burger King's Facebook page

The graphic they uploaded to promote The Proud Whopper and the #BeYourWay hashtag campaign

Now if only you served vegan food, Burger King, I'd be yours forever.

Peace.

Food Porn: Vegan 'Chicken' and Waffles Doughnut ... for real!

This is vegan stoner food at its finest. Damn, I wish I lived close enough to try one of these!

I'll start slow so you can enjoy this as much as possible. At the base lives a classic, unassuming doughnut slathered in a sinful maple glaze. That's right, they glazed that baby with a load maple goodness. You like that? Yeah, I thought you might. Atop this maple-slathered ring of fried dough you'll find not one, but two pieces of fried 'chicken.' You heard me right, our sweet maple doughnut eagerly takes not one but two pieces of hand-breaded "chicken" at a time. Um... dare I say it? Fuck yeah, I dare! TWO 'CHICKENS' ONE DOUGHNUT, Y'ALL! Are you satisfied, yet? No? Well neither am I so let's push on. Crowning those two pieces of 'chicken' getting all kinds of cozy with each other is a vegan waffle square. But don't let its description fool you, because this waffle is no "square." Hellz no! This baby has taken an additional load of maple drizzle, right to the face. Just like a good little waffle square should. Just look at that picture!

*shudder* Nom.

This doughnut / "chicken" / waffle ménage à trois can be in your mouth for only $6.95 at Vegan Treats in Bethlehem, PA.

Money's on the dresser. I gotta go take a shower. I expect you to be gone by the time I'm done. 

Sunday Confessional

Truss me Sir, for I have sinned. It's been way too long since my last confession. (Maybe you should throw a punishment in for that, too. Just a suggestion, Sir.)

In the year I've had it, I've used my Hitachi Magic Wand so much and for such extended periods of time, the motor got hot enough to partially melt and discolor the silicon head.

True story.

Pussy

Every once in a while (honestly, not as often as I'd like but that's another topic for another time) I get homework assignments from Daddy. Most recently, Daddy instructed me to watch the following video for Pussy by Rammstein. You remember Rammstein. Think about the music scene in the late 90s. Ah, the smell of clove cigarettes... the feel of flannel on your skin... back when malaise had been elevated to a profession and we were all squeezing the last drops of cool out of the late 90s music scene before it died a due death. You with me? Excellent. Now, rhythmically tap your foot and read the following out loud in the deepest most gravely, angsty voice you can muster.

Du
du hast
du hast mich
du hast mich
du hast mich gefragt
du hast mich gefragt
du hast mich gefragt, und ich hab nichts gesagt

Yes, that Rammstein! Now, if you're reading this blog you should already be in a NSFW frame of mind. But I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you, this video is N. S. F. W. In fact, it's basically porn complete with a spluge shot at the end. But, it's set to German industrial music, which makes it art. (Duh. I mean, everybody knows that, right?)

Enjoy! I did.

Pussy from pieterbrom on Vimeo.

My Pseudonym

My Writerly Resolutions for 2014

Yes. I, Poe Von Page, believe in the magic of the new year. Part of that magic, for me, is found in resolutions. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at New Year's resolutions, but I've actually had good results with them in the past. I've been talking about breathing life into my writing practice for quite a while. Well my pretties, it's time for me to shut the fuck up and write. So, I've set some writerly resolutions to jumpstart my practice.   

But first, some background info...

I've been inspired by Ray Bradbury's well-known keynote address at the Sixth Annual Writer's Symposium by the Sea. If you're interested, it's a one-hour talk and it's worth the watch. 

He addresses what he calls "writing hygiene," and discourages beginning and intermediate writers from jumping into writing a novel. Instead, he pimps the power of the short story and recommends budding authors write one short story a week for 52 weeks.

So, resolution the first: Write one story per week in 2014. 

He goes on to prescribe a one-thousand day program to "stuff your head" with information, metaphors and ideas: Before you go to bed every night, read one short story, one poem, and one essay. He has very definite ideas on what constitutes "real" poetry (hint: it ain't the work of modern poets) and the diversity of the essays one should read. He even includes some personal recommendations. Now, realistically speaking, this head-stuffing trifecta would be quite difficult for me to maintain. Committing to the program as prescribed feels like signing up for failure and disappointment. But I can certainly take the idea behind it and alter it a bit so it's more realistic for the likes of me. I also think it'd be pretty groovy if I listed and posted links to (whenever possible) my readings throughout the year via this blog or my Twitter stream or on Facebook or whatevs. This way, I can go back and I have a record of all my past head-stuffings if I need to recall something in the future.

Resolution the second: Subscribe to Bradbury's head-stuffing trifecta (a short story, a poem, and an essay) a minimum of four days per week in 2014. 

My third writerly resolution did not come from Bradbury's speech, but from a need for follow-through on all those short stories I'll be writing. The goal, beyond establishing a writing practice, honing my craft, expanding my fiction portfolio, and challenging myself is publication, after all. 

Resolution the third: Submit something for publication at least once per week.

Following those first three resolutions, I have some others I'd like to publicly commit to. They are as follows...

Resolution the fourth: Keep my writing desk clean...ish. 

I've found that, for me, this helps keep the words flowing. I'm more motivated to sit down to work at a tidy desk and I'm far less distracted once I'm there when I'm not looking at my monitor over a stack of unopened mail and crumpled receipts.  

Resolution the fifth: Write in new and interesting places at least once a week.

Sometimes, we just need to get out of the house. Often times, a change in scenery or writing in a group is extremely beneficial. 

Resolution the sixth: Cultivate flow. In more practical words, write something at least five days per week. 

My standard work-from-home "office hours" run from about 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM. More or less. However, I tend to only write when I experience flow or as I like to say, when my muse is putting out. The problem with writing this way is that it greatly diminishes my output, particularly in times of stress which I've had a whole lot of, lately. I truly dislike the fact that I'm such a high-maintenance, artsy-fartsy author and feel like I need to work on something that more closely resembles a schedule. If I can push through my urge to do anything other than write on days when my muse is playing hard to get, I feel as though I may even be able to learn how to seduce her. Perhaps I can cultivate flow.

Resolution the seventh: Make mistakes.

I got the idea for this resolution from Neil Gaiman and I couldn't speak to it better than he did if I tried. So, I won't. Just read his short but powerful explanation about halfway through his blog post from December 31, 2011. This coincides with sage wisdom from my long-time friend and critique partner, Kerri-Leigh Grady. She has said to me on many occasions, "You can't fix what's not on the page." I can get so paralyzed by fear of failure that I don't try at all. This is a pretty common problem for people, I know, but it's also plain ol' self-sabotaging stupidity. So, this year I will learn to allow myself to make mistakes. Juicy, messy mistakes.

Did you set any resolutions for yourself? What are they? C'mon, clap if you believe in resolutions!

Blog Care and Feeding

Yes, this blog has long been neglected. Yes, I'm doing something about it. No, it's not one of my New Year's resolutions (that post is coming tomorrow). Why not? Because I count blogging as part of the business of writing and self-promotion and 2014 is going to be The Year for me to sink my claws into the beast that is writing and ride it 'til it bleeds. And then ride it some more. Cuz yeah... it's about damned time. So, expect to see lots of welcome changes, tweaking, and a blog-wide revitalization over the next few months. That includes regular blog posts! Yay!

Now go ring in the New Year, you crazy kids!